Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Naked Twister starts at high noon
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
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