An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
