stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize
