Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
