i think my tv is drunk
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
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