We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
