I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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