when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Randomize
