After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize
