This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Boobs speak an international language.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
