chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
