I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
