Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Randomize
