people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
