I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
