good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
