yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Randomize
