Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
i drank out of a bidet.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
There's a naked man in my car right now.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
