I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
