No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
