i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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