I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
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