my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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