my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Randomize
