I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
