i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Randomize
