Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Randomize
