TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
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