New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Randomize
