why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Randomize
