Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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