wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Randomize
