grandma shit on top of the toilet
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
