I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Randomize
