yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Barsexuality is the new black.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
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