I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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