This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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