There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
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