we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I need to wash the frat house off of me
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize