Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
