come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
You dont lie about slip and slides
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
