Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
So squirting runs in the family.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
