Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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