I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
