shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
