FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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