you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Two words: blizzard sex
Randomize
