I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Randomize
