Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
You're earring is so big in my mouth
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
