HIV tests are more positive than that guy
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
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