News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
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