drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
I haven't been this sober since birth.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
