Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
