Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
