can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
