True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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