i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
