The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Nicole vs. Life
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Randomize
