tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Randomize
