why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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