my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
It's official drugs can't kill me
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
