i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
