when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
