and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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