I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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