If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
