Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Randomize
