2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize