I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Randomize
