you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Randomize