awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
